Thursday, July 28, 2005
Enjoying some champagna at the summit. Look at that view!! I love Tahoe!!
All I Want
I have less than a week still at my real job, then a month of vacation. I like my fake job better. At least I feel accomplished after a day of shoveling shit. I have something to show for it. Even if they crap in thier stalls right after you finish. Horses are easier than humans. You can quote me on that.
I will admit that the hardent person/human to deal with is yourself. Today, I'm fighting off self-hatred with a sword of excapeism. Curled up at my boyfriend's sonic wall free computer in his bathrobe I have advoided real life for a couple more hours.
As an excerise to inocculate some normalcy in the issues swimming in my head, I have created a list. An "All I Want", Joni Mitchell is one of the greatest songwrites ever inspired, list.
All I Want is....
My Mom to have a conversation with me and only me on the phone
My sister's broken heart to heal
My dog to learn how to play dead
To hug my little brother
To shop at grocery store where I never have to read the labels
My stomach/head/heart to stop hurting
To be curled up with my man in bed for 3 days straight
Tahoe to have an array of take out/delivery places
To see my ex and it not be werid
Fishy to stop having to deal with stupid people
My employer to stop hiring stupid people
Have energy to live my life
To stop surviving
To spend all day reading
To feel like I have a choice
Twenty Days and Twenty Nights
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
I has been almost twenty days since I blogged. This is not healthy. I have no outlet and I feel out of touch. This past weekend I attended my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Yes, that is a frickin' long time. Besides the horrible food, wedding singer music and a blood sugar number of 25 ( my grandfathers not mine), everthing was great. I spent quality time (talking) and not so quality time (drinking) with the siblings. My dad has finally gotten his shit together and realizes that he fucked up. I think he has also realized thathe is luckiest man on earth because his offspring still talk to him and are functional adults. He wants me to get my PhD...in Traditional Chinese Medicine. It is amazing what parental encouragement can do for your self-esteem. Thousand of picture have been taken of this event, they will be posted soon. For now the countdown is on until my next vacation to Michigan. I can do it.....
My Week in Bullets
Thursday, July 07, 2005
I would like to apologize for not keeping up with my Blog. My last installment was more tha a week ago. I would like to think that I am very popular and have thousands of people hanging on my every word. Not true, I know. But if I can't have a sense of graduer about my life who can? So, what has kept me so busy the last week(s)? Here's a rundown:
--My sister leaving the Reno/Tahoe area. It's hard to believe that I miss someone so very different than myself.
--Finalizing my plans to Arkansas. No one goes there by mistake, believe me. My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.
--Unpacking all of my stuff. Not having to move this week was a sure bonus.
--Cingular is evil. The triangle of hell has been completed. Insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies and celluar phone companies. Armegeddon is near.
--Reinstating my self control. The demise of previously mentioned co-worker has been plotted many times. Many times. So hard not to go through with it. I can't stand her and I don't know why.
--Busting two kids at school for smoking pot in thier bathroom. Schwag does not smell good. I did not get to confiscate for personal use. Damn. The drug test was the best part. Oooo....urine. I do get a $20 bonus for every one I give. This may change my personal feelings about random drug testing. I also had to miss "Bewitched". Yes, I can be that shallow.
--Falling in love. The less I say about this the better. Let's just say it wasn't ever planned and I now know how Charlotte felt.
--Watching my rat of a dog swim in Lake Tahoe. Yes, that would make her a wet rat.
--Working 70 hours a week. So much bank and no time to spend it. An excellent combination. I would like some more sleep though.
--Spending the Fourth in Study Hall. Oh, yes the glamor of Study Hall. I can actually fudge my way through Algebra. Take that Mr. Samuel!!
I thoes are most of the highlights. I'll will be back on a regular basis soon. I might even have a telephone. Peace.
Roomates
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Staff devepolment wasn't as painless as I had expected. I think the good night sleep helped. I have the rest of the afternoon off. Sweet. I will be taking my beloved puppy for a walk and hopefully attending a dinner party later.
Today, I also recieved a postcard from a good friend. That's helped my foul mood.
I'm only slightly pissed that I will be getting two new roomates before I move. Privacy is a rare comoddity here.
Getting Warmer
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Summer is finally here. I'm not convinced that it's permenant because it snowed last week. Really.
Crap associated with my job seems to be gettin worse, not better. And I get to go to staff development for the nex three days. I was in a good mood this morning, but it's heading south quickly.
I also have a horrible breast area sunburn. Even my most comforable bra hurts. And while I'm complaining, my co-worker eats with her mouth open.
Sigh.
Friday, June 17, 2005
A BANDEAU? Someone clue me in here did i miss something? I would never ever wear that in front of someone's grandmother. Mind you these were actually in the "Bridesmaid Section" 
Orange? The only person that I cant think of that would good in this is Hallie Berry. Anyone not a size 2 with a perfect body stay away. Far Away.
Blush and Bashful
WARNING: You will laugh, cry and possibly pee your pants in response to the following. Drinking liquids is not reccomened while reading this blog.
I've gotten tired bitchin' about my shitty adminstration, so it's time for some thing a little more lighthearted.
I am the last one. Fishy decided to get married and have cats. Gina, as of August will no longer be single. I am the Maid of Honor in my Sister's wedding. Now although I don't have as much experience as the Wedding Goddess Fishy (Just remember, hon, you are in charge of the open bar at my broom hopping), I have helped pick colors, establish guests lists, advise against any moss/candle certerpiece, sifted through over 150 wedding dresses and, yes ( shudder), shop for brides maid dresses.
The most recent adventure was sucessful in that we have some prospects. I think there will be another blog on my sister's choice of "chocolate" and "cornflower" ( Read: Brown and Blue), but back to the dresses.
I have yet to find the exact styles that we have narrowed it down to, but here' s a little entertainment in the mean time.
Check out http://www.uglydress.com This woman is brillant. Some people fight poverty, others bad fashion. Check out the rental Kilts and Maxi Slippers.
Above are also some interesting dresses. Midrift anyone?
One Step Forward Two Steps Back (Part 6)
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Oh, most holy adminstrative Gods. I have severly pissed you off in a former life. I plead with you unorganized ones, I have changed my ways, learned my lesson. I will not mock you behind your backs, wish for your untimely death or an uncurable painful STD anymore. I beg you please, please with a topping of my first born ( Because I know that is what you really really really want) don't not make me move again. Be considerate of my unpacked boxes, my grumbling friends and my aching back. I beg you have mercy on me. Amen.
OH YES LADIES AND GERMS THAT IS RIGHT!!!
I WILL BE MOVING AGAIN!!!
Postal? Yes,driving to the Pawn Shop right now. What is the waiting peroid in Nevada? Shit.
I can't believe this.
Oh, you can expect more rants on this one.
And if it hasn't been said today : WHAT THE $&%^#?!?!?!
In Love
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Dear Blogger,
I love you. I love you, everything you are and everything you will be. You are better than TV, 8 Tracks and possibly my Postal Service CD. You make me laugh and cry, mostly at the same time. Blogger you complete me.
Love Always and Forever
Greenapril
One Step Forward Two Steps Back (Part 5)
I never could have imagined that this woudl have gone on for so long. Five blog posts. There could be a sitcom, mini series, or a Lifetime movie of the week (starring Judith Light or Tracy Gold) about this henious pain in the ass adventure. Oh, my friends we are not done yet.
Five minutes ago, I was informed by my buisness manager that I needed to remove all of my belongings from the Surburban. Right. Because he says "Your stuff has been in there for a whole week." Right it has. BUT....
IS THAT MY FRICKIN' FAULT!!! YOU GIVE ME A THREE HOUR NOTICE TO MOVE OUT, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE A PLACE FOR ME TO MOVE TO!?!!? YOU FIND A PLACE FOR ME TO MOVE ALL MY STUFF BUT THE ROOM WON'T BE CLEAN UNTIL FOUR DAYS AFTER YOU ASK ME TO MOVE OUT!!!
HELLO, I HAD NO PLACE TO PUT MY STUFF!!
Exasperated Sigh.
PS- Just for future reference. If you carry 12 cinder blocks in the back of a Suburban for a week, the tires will lose air. Take that you monstorous gas gullzer!!! You aren't so strong and big now are you!?!
One Step Forward Two Steps Back (Part 4)
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I finally moved into my new place. I'm feeling better about it. Now the problem is all the crap I own. Finding a new place for it, throwing stuff out, etc. I don't have the energy. And there is never enough space for my books.
Speaking of energy, I am going to have to feng sui on this room. Horrible florescence lighting, white walls, the carpet that will hide any stain ( I guess that's a good thing), in general ick.
I did purchace a beautiful painting at a thrift shop this week. There is some hope yet.
Maybe this a chance to downsize. Like my bed. King to a twin. It's not pretty.
Ok now fro the bitch section. I was at the house moving some last things out and my business manager called. He wanted to know why there was still food in the fridge. "Um, to keep it cold" Then he asks me if it's my food. So, here's the thing. The stuff in the fridge I could barely classify as food. Hungry Man dinners, Eggos, Cocktail Sauce, Rolls in a Can, you get the picture. I'm actually offended that he thought this was my food. Blechk. "No, Roger it's not my food." Then he asks me if I could help them out and clean out the food. This is steathly followed by "I'd do it myself , but I'm in San Fran" and "We'd (The School), really like to get our $---- (Enter Large sum of money here) security deposit back". So, you want me to help you out of the kindness of my heart, but if I don't and you don't get your money back you'll make me feel like it is all my fault. Yet there is NOTHING in this for me. I'm convinced that thoes "business" conferences managers go to have titles like "Blackmail 101", "How Passive Agression Can Work for YOU!" and "Getting the Dirty Work Done: Five Easy Steps to Painless and Effective Guilt Trips". All you Cubies out there would agree with me.
So, just to avoid any other to do list from people who aren't my boss. I told him it "was taken care of" and got the hell off the phone. %^$*-ER!
There is an interesting lesson in all of this. Standing up for yourself. I've never been good at it. I've been a psycholgical and emotional door mat for every kind of personal and professional relationship. I think I'm getting better. I hope. I've never been this angry. Now, what to do with it?
One Step Forward Two Steps Back (Part 3)
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Greenapril, part three, really? Sigh. Yes. The stupid virus that has infected the administration has struck again. The score is:
1 suburban full of greenapril's belongings
1 complacent business manager
1 room (my room) that will not be cleaned until Friday
1 house with no creature comforts (all the stuff being in the suburban)
1 rainy day
GRAAAAHHHGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! I know my life has been so much more stressful than this, but I'm seriously thinking about going AWOL. It would involve stealing a car. How much do you think I would get for a first offense? Ten years? That would make me 37. I could still have kids then, right? Let's go.
This is the kind of annoying life shit that never changes. Thousands of years ago people probably had the same problem. Unorganized management. Grrrrr. Yeah, I'm not going to sweat the small stuff, but it's really pissing me off.
Another thing: Where the #%$^ am I supposed to live? At the house with no food, bedding or clothes? In my car? Please, I need some direction or at least some one to talk me down. HELP!!
The Whore I Always Wanted to Be
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Actually, I think the quote went more like: I'm not the whore I always wanted to be. I think you get the picture, though. When it comes down to it I wish I had just a little more agression, spunk, self-esteem and cofidence. I want to tell the hottie teacher I work with all about my not so little crush on him(Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag on that one Fishy!!), but I probably won't (EVER!).
It's pretty transparent that my fear of rejection is huge. I don't like myself enough to begin with, why risk hearing it from someone else? Another thing: THE GUILT!! My friends and I joke about the pervasive, not at all stuble, you will burn in hell guilt associated with everything. Be fun or not fun, it's all included.
Example: Church, try to make it fun by adding some better music (I will die a happy woman never having to hear "On Eagles Wings" again) , a better message (Gasp! Standing up for civil liberties) and a little flair (Jesus loves you just the way you are.) and you will be hunted down, serverly tounge lashed and probably excommunicated.
But I digress, everyone has an issue. I might have more than your average person, but as I'd like to think, I'm not average. Slowly, I will recover from the image that everyone wants me to be and be the whore I've always wanted to be.
One Step Forward Two Steps Back (Part 2)
Monday, June 06, 2005
News Flash!! This just in: They (My boss and other assorted nomes) don't even know where I'm moving to!! I just past pissed and went directly to "What the #$@^?!?!?"
