The Whore I Always Wanted to Be

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Actually, I think the quote went more like: I'm not the whore I always wanted to be. I think you get the picture, though. When it comes down to it I wish I had just a little more agression, spunk, self-esteem and cofidence. I want to tell the hottie teacher I work with all about my not so little crush on him(Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag on that one Fishy!!), but I probably won't (EVER!).

It's pretty transparent that my fear of rejection is huge. I don't like myself enough to begin with, why risk hearing it from someone else? Another thing: THE GUILT!! My friends and I joke about the pervasive, not at all stuble, you will burn in hell guilt associated with everything. Be fun or not fun, it's all included.

Example: Church, try to make it fun by adding some better music (I will die a happy woman never having to hear "On Eagles Wings" again) , a better message (Gasp! Standing up for civil liberties) and a little flair (Jesus loves you just the way you are.) and you will be hunted down, serverly tounge lashed and probably excommunicated.

But I digress, everyone has an issue. I might have more than your average person, but as I'd like to think, I'm not average. Slowly, I will recover from the image that everyone wants me to be and be the whore I've always wanted to be.