BIG Mistake

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I went the gym with my sister yesterday. We laughed our way through cardio kickboxing. Mostly at ourselves, the guy preening in the 360 degree mirrors and the "Woo!!! YEAH!!!" lady. Fun was had. Until, I made a very very bad decision. I decided to weigh myself.

Honsety, is the best policy. So, here goes. I was shocked and almost cried. Cried. I weight 183 pounds. 183. That's less than twenty pounds to 200. 200 pounds is fat, in book. For me at least. 183 pounds. Stunned.

I am not a shallow person. I have never been fixated on my weight. I have taken some big steps to become healtier since gaining some weight over the summer. I have slimmed down a bit. jeans fitting better and all. A hour of cardio a day will do that. But 183 is 25 pounds more than a year ago. What gives?

I wasn't going to write about this is my blog. Too embarrising, I guess. But, Fishy and I had a good conversation about personal body image. She is attending a wedding/ high school reunion and understood my issue. My question is: How does one develop a healthy body image? A realstic idea of how tall, wide, big or small we are? Is having a sense of self in this manner erroding our self-love or is it something we can be proud of?