Passing of mixed feelings

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

My paternal grandmother has suffered from Alzheimer's for the last ten years or so. This week she stopped eating and was put into Hospice Care. Bittersweet. Finally, my grandfather has a break from the constant care that she has needed. However, she will not be here for much longer. One of the worst part about this disease is that she is already gone. I have not heard a word spoken from her since I graduated high school. I began my mourning the day she asked my father who I was. To me she has already passed, but why am I so sad? Paradoxical nature of the circle we live in. Death is simple and yet it is so much more. I guess the same could be said for a birth. Questions we will ask ourselves until the end of time. Sigh.

She taught me to play piano. Silent Night. She took me to see Bambi in the movie theater. She would help me clean my room when she came to visit. She accidently told me Santa Claus wasn't real. I have missed her. I will miss her.