Getting Around

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I am a sucker for a well written song. Mr. Mraz is at the top of list for creative genius. One of my favorites is Plane. Sigh.......

Plane

Drain the veins in my head

Clean out the reds in my eyes to get by security lines

Dear x-ray machinePretend you don't know me so well

I wont tell if you lied

Cry, cause the droughts been brought up

Drinkin' cause you're lookin so good in your starbucks cup

I complain for the company that I keep

The windows for sleeping rearrange

And I'm nobody

Well who's laughin now

I'm leaving your town again

And I'm over the ground that you've been spinning

And I'm up in the air so baby hell yeah

Well I can see your house from here

If the plane goes down, damn

I'll remember where the love was found

If the plane goes down, damn

Damn, I should be so lucky

Even only 24 hours under your touch

You know I need you so much

I cannot wait to call you

And tell you that I landed somewhere

And hand you a square of the airport

And walk you through the maze of the map

That im gazing at

Gracefully unnamed and feeling guilty for the luck

And the look that you gave me

You make me somebody

Ain't nobody knows me

Not even me can see it, yet I bet I'm

I'm leaving your town again love

But I'm over the quilt that you've spinning

And I'm up in the air, so baby hell yeah

Oh honey I can see your house from here

If the plane goes down, damn

I'll remember where the love was found

If the plane goes down, damn

You keep me high minded

You get me high

Flax seeds, well they tear me open

And supposedly you can crawl right through me

Taste these teeth please

And undress me from these sweaters better hurry

Cause I'm keeping upward bound now

Oh maybe I'll build my house in your cloud

Here I'm tumbling for you

Stumbling through the work that I have to do

Don't mean to harm you

By leaving your town again love

But I'm over the ground that you've been spinning

But I'm up in the air, said baby hell yeah

Oh honey I can see your house from here

If the plane goes down, damn

I'll remember where the love was found

If the plane goes down, damn I'll remember where the love was found

If the plane goes down, damn

Well I'll remember where the love was found

If the plane goes down, damn

Who do you

Think you are, are, are, are

To keep me so oh cold, cold

You keep me high minded

You keep me high minded

You get me high minded

You get me high

Car-Ma

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I've been researching the possibility of converting a diesel truck to run on veggie oil or bio-diesel. I like the option. I dislike being so dependent on petrol. And with the turn of events that made 2007 henious, I'm looking for a new car and thought to purchase a truck to convert. I have been so over whelmed with the truck options out there that I was starting to lose it.

Then my sister called me and informed me that my mechanic that he had a Subaru for me if I still needed it. Then my chriopractor called to let me know one of his client needed to unload her Subi also (she was upgrading to a mini-van). Hmmm.

I think the universe is telling me something.

.....for Nothing

Well, my bank decided that I would be charged $100 in fees for my contracts not coming through. Someone will be yelled at today. I can feel it.

And on a completely unrealted note, Costco sells this item?

Help.

2+2=22

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Finally recieved a check from one of my contracts. Of course, it was incorrect. Grrr.....

Something...

I was very hopeful that 2008 was going to be a little better to me than 2007. No such luck. I am furious about the happenings this past week. So much so, that I took a mental health day. With additional daily counseling from my best friend I made it through. But I still have a negative bank account and hours of lost driving time. Still, seriously pissed.

I contract with local businesses for my massage services. They take a percentage of my earings and in return I get a recetptionist, room, supplies, etc. Last week one of my contracts flaked and didn't pay me one the day agreed. I was out about $350 for a couple days. Wednesday I went to collect on another contract and no money. Thursday again at another contract, no money. Right now, I'm out about a grand. F-U-C-K!!!

I'll Take Anything

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

As you may have noticed I was not a fan of 2007. I'm soooo looking forward to 2008 and this is a great sign:

Solar physicists have been waiting for the appearance of a reversed-polarity sunspot to signal the start of the next solar cycle. The wait is over. A magnetically reversed, high-latitude sunspot emerged today. This marks the beginning of Solar Cycle 24 and the first step toward a new solar maximum. Intense solar activity won't begin right away. Solar cycles usually take a few years to build from solar minimum (where we are now) to Solar Max (expected in 2011 or 2012). It's a slow journey, but we're on our way!

YAY!!!!

Feast and Famine

My third post for the day. I couldn't help myself. Found this in my google search for "goat" near my home. Awesome.

Yes, that is a goat in a tree. For my birthday I want a Goat Brushers T-Shirt and a guard llama.

Missing the Blog

Logged onto Pandora and they mixed this song into my play list. I love this F*&^%NG song. Wish I had repeat on this.:

Marrow-Ani DiFranco
The answer came like a shot in the back
While you were running from your lesson
Which might explain why years later all you could remember was the terror of the question. Plus, you weren't listening
You were stockpiling canned goods making a bomb shelter of our basement.
And I can't believe you let the moral go by while you were soaking in the product placement. And where was your conscience?
Where was your consciousness?
And where did you put all those letters that you wrote to yourself but could not address?
I'm a good kisser, and you're a fast learner
And that kind of thing could float us for a pretty long time.
And then one day, you'd realized you've memorized my phone number
And you'll call it and find it's a disconnected line.
Cuz I got tossed out the window of love's el camino
And I shattered into a shower of sparks on the curb.
You were smoking me weren't you, between your yellow fingers
You just inhaled and exhaled without saying a word.
And where was your conscience?
Where was your consciousness?
And where did you put all those letters that you wrote to yourself but could not address? There's a smorgasbord of unspoken poisons
The whole childhood of potions that are all bottled up
And so one by one I am dusting off labels
I am uncorking bottles and filling up cups.
So go ahead and have a taste of your own medicine and I'll have a taste of mine
But first let's toast to the lists that we hold in our fists of the things
That we promised to do differently next time.
Cuz the answer came like a shot in the back
While you were running from your lesson which might explain why years later all you could remember was the terror of the question.
Cause I'm not listening to you anymore.
My head is too sore and my heart's perforated
And I am mired in the marrow of my "well ain't that funny?" bone
Learning how to be alone and devastated.
And Where was my conscience?
Where was my consciousness?
And what do I do with all these letters that I wrote to myself but can not address?
Marrow

Pushed

WARNING: Content may offend.

My sister just called me to ask what would happen if you at an at home birth and the baby dies, could you be charged with murder? To be honest I have no idea, I'm in the process of consulting with some peers on this and will gat back to you. Too most having a child outside the conifes of a "safe" environment of the hospital is "unsafe" This is completely preputated by western standards (that is an oxymoron) of mother baby care. In recent examination of "practice protocol" it has come to light that some helpful interventions do exactly the opposite. I could blog about this for years and with passion. However, this valid question my sister asked was spurred by a segment that she watched today on Good Morning America, on which they featured a woman who gave birth to her fourth child at home with just her husband assisting. I find this facisinating for this reason: Instead of fearturing the huge range of choices that a women has when giving birth (and YES it is still the woman's choice), the reporters focus in on the two ends of the spectrum. Complete medical birth and at home with out anyone but yourself. Nothing inbetween. Then ask the question which is "better"? Annoying would be an understatement. This is one of the many interesting dichomoty of our culture. Picking what is best for yourself has to be supported by an expert or a narrow ideology. Think about it:, you be: Gay/Straight, Black/White, Male/Female, but not both. This is problematic in so many ways, but that is another bolg, I suppose.

GMA in the story featured a book titled "Pushed: The Painful Truth about Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2007)." and had an excerpt. I have heard very good things about this book. I was schocked while reading this section:

Goorchenko's first baby was born at the hospital. She was an unexpectedly pregnant 19-year-old and got "one heck of an episiotomy," she says. "I had a mirror set up so I could see the birth and all of a sudden I'm watching my vagina being cut with scissors." It took years to get over the psychological trauma. "And on top of that it just fucks up your vagina," says Goorchenko. "I had incontinence. I could barely feel sex for a year and a half."

Interesting. I think Eve Ensler might be joing the cause. In a way she already has. A year and a half? I want to believe that this is the exception rather than the norm, but my current training as a doula has opened my eyes. WOMEN: This is the norm.

In addition to national exposure thier are numerous educational and evidence based information about preganacy and the birthing process. I'll post these soon, but for now check out the Doulas of North America for the basics.

Also, this month a new documentary titled "The Business of Being Born" is being realeased. If you don't go and see the movie at least check out the website and watch the trailer. I work in this "industry" and I learned something.

2008 Here I Come!!!

Monday, January 07, 2008

It is truly hard to describe how shitty 2007 was for me. It will be a while before I recover. I hope to be able to laugh about it (maybe in about 25-30 years). I'm being dramatic of course, but the good thing about 2007 being crappy is that I have really low expectations for the upcoming 365 days. I'm hoping this is a plus beacuse I do not like the stentch of cyncism that I've noticed lately.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Stole this from OSCAR (friends blog). Feel free to copy and paste w/your own answers.

1.) Where did you begin 2007? Babysitting. It was a crazy night. Bedtime at 8:30pm. I should have know then what 2007 had in store for me.
2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day? Single and sick.
3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)? Doula school, does that count?
4.) How did you earn your money? Massage of course.
5.) Did you have to go to the hospital? Yes, when I rolled my car.
6.) Did you have any encounters with the police? Yes, too many to count.
7.) Where the hell did number seven go?
8.) What did you purchase that was over $1000? Deposit for the house, car rental fees, New tools for my business. Oh, and the lovely hospital bills.
9.) Did you know anybody who got married? Scott and Michelle, former roomates.
10.) Did you know anybody who passed away? Great Aunt Noreen and Uncle Lenny. How could I forget the deer that commited suicide with my car?
11.) Did you know anyone who had a baby? No, but I'm pretty set up for 2008.
12.) Did you move anywhere? Every week or so, I was camping for most of the summer.
13.) Did you have sex? Yes. Thank Goddess.
14.) What concerts/shows did you go to? G-Love, Bob Schinieder, Asylum Street Spankers, Greencards, Blue Turtle, Sol Jibe and some I can't remember.
15.) Are you registered to vote? No, my best friend is going to kill me.
16.) Who did you want to win American Idol? Huh?
17.) Where do you live now? In a house, thank goddess
18.) Describe your birthday? Forced fun until I had a good amount of Casadores in me. Then, as usual, I was a dancing queen.
19.) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007? Roll my car. That stands out the most, but I could list about 17 other things.
20.) What has been your favorite moment? My sister still being alive.
21.) What's something you learned about yourself? Shit, really is this a question. I have an unusal tolerance for the universe F*&^ing with me. That and I was born to drive a Ford Mustang.
22.) Any new additions to your family? LuLoo, my pedigree Organian Camping Cat
23.) What was your best month? Feburary. Ah, blissful ignorance.
24.) What music will you remember 2007 by? Anything by Timbaland
25.) Who has been your best drinking buddy? Anyone giving me cider for free. Laura, Andrea and Andrea's mom of course.
26.) Made new friends? Yes, I did. Kindergarten paid off (finally).
27.) New best friend? My sister and I closer than ever. Maybe not best friends, yet.
28.) Favorite Night out? A long story, but the night of the G-Love show I was "left with no other option" than to go home with a guy because I had no place to sleep at my sisters house. It was a lucky night for a lot of people. Good times. Oh, and how could I forget Ellis Island Casino in Las Vegas. Damn that was fun!!
29.) Do you think 2008 will be better or worse? IT HAS TO BE BETTER.

Circus?

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I didn't think that I would get to show this for a couple months, but here it is. I love everything about this picture.

One for the Books

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My sister ran away to Thailand with her new boyfriend. I am jealous or course , but I've seriously missed her. That always hasn't been the case, we addimttedly hated each growing up. It wasn't until after college that we spoke on a regualr basis. She's been e-mailing me all of her adventures (don't tell my mom) and having a wonderful time. She said that she was walking in the streets north of Bangkok and saw this:

I couldn't believe it. I can't wait to see the pictures. She also mentioned that I have some very cool souvioners (sp?) coming. Awesome.

Day Four

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Finally getting back into the groove of things after an "interesting" summer. I'm currently on a 10 day cleanse. It's allowed me slow down and take a little time out. Still, I'm pretty busy with massage, but I sat down and watched a movie last night. I can't remember the last time I did that.

My sister left for Thailand last night. I miss her already. She ran away with her new boyfriend. I am insanely jealous. I drove both of them to the city and spent the night at Tex's place. At 6:45am I was rudely woken up with the announcement that Christmas is only X number of days away....Blah blah blah blah..... I almost ripped the radio from the wall and threw it. IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER PEOPLE!!!!! I think the Christmas spirit has a finite time, it expires in 12 days.

News Flash: The house I'm staying at is a complete disaster. Both of the roomates have moved out since I have moved in to housesit. I'm not that bad of a roomate, it just happened that way. Yikes!!! I'm glad I'm not on the lease!!

Really People?!?!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Today the internet is partly evil and with a possibility of entertaining. I'm not sure why I'm going to post these pictures, maybe the train wreck factor (Very High-can you imangine someone actually wearing this?). The models are great on this website - Jesse from SBTB, anyone?

Time Warp

Monday, October 01, 2007

THE INTERNET IS EVIL.....MUST UNPLUG....

On-Line...Finally

YAY!!!!

I now have my own computer and can now blog everyday!!! Of course, a lot to update, but here is a newer pic. (When did my hair get so long?)

Memory

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I'm in yoga class yesterday and completely out of the blue I remember another camp memory. WARNING: To super sensitive animal lovers following story may make you cry.

At my camp there were cabins and cabin tents. Each had (if food was left out) problems with critters. Mice specifically. And no matter how many times I told the campers that FOOD=MICE, eventually sometime during the week there would be an apperance of Cinderella's little friends.

The way the maintence guy used to get rid of the mice is disturbingly hilarious. He used a vacuum. He would suck thoes little vernmin right up like they were Cheerios. The most vivid part of the whole process was the sound that they made being sucked up into the vacuum. A very satisfying "THHHUUUUUUMMMMPPPPPP"

I started laughing out loud at this trip down memory lane and as expected my sanity is now in question. But it was 'effing hilarious, honestly.

Side Note

Oh, I forgot to mention that it's been snowing the last couple of days in Tahoe. Good times, eh?

And Little brother will be here in less than a week. I can't wait!

PMS

I hate being that girl that talks in excess about her moon cycle. I don't think I'm there yet but this is a warning. I'm having a hormonal crisis these last couple of days. I feel like a crazy person. I have the urge to decapitate anyone who pisses me off or does something stupid. The bagger at Safeway that put my steak in with the veggies--BEWARE! All I crave is meat and chocolate. I settled for a steak (medium rare, of course), but I really want blood sausage (WTF!). Who craves blood sausage, ever? I don't even know where to purchase such an item.

To top it all off I recieved an e-mail from my ex that contained a veiled ultimatium. In short it said that the trip that we were planning as friends has turned into: If you still come on this trip it means that you are still interested in me (romanticly). F*^%K! The ex is pitting my "friendship" with him against my love for wine and the fun of being drunk at 3pm. Apparently, he has a wish for bodily harm, dismemberment and/or a drowning in fermentation vat. I am seething.

I just thought of the most delicious plan. Agree to go on trip and bring along a new or old boy toy. Today, I feel just evil enough to do it.

Damn this steak is good. Tastes a little like revenge.

Go Here Now

http://www.towerguard.org

One Dimension

Friday, June 01, 2007

Interesting: The minute the clouds come in Tahoe, everything looks flat.

Still no work. A little antsy about this. Taking off tomorrow for a wedding (former roomates-actually). The one whom (?) is never wrong. Not the one who like to have naked boys at our house ( I liked her soooo much better). However, I have been promised many cute employed only slightly alcoholic boys to talk to at this wedding. And a good group of people to get drunk in the middle of the afternoon. A couple questions though:

Who has a wedding at 1pm in the afternoon?

Who (in thier right mind) has a 'bring your own dish' buffet for 200+ people?

Needless to say that I will have stories, hopefully not of the food poisining variety. Please Goddess NOOOOO!!!!

Good News: Little brother might crash Tahoe for the summer. I hate to put bad karma out into blog land but I detest Michigan. I refer to the 9mo I lived there after college as "The Dark Years." It Sucked--Doesn't even begin to cover my horrible experience.

Only good thing was all the cool peeps I met at camp. Not even the camp. Just my internationals, few domestics and the crazy ass camp nurse. On a total side note I was just reminded of the coveted pink allergy medication we used in a borderline recreational manner. Ahhh, good memories.


Anyways, back to the little brother. He's going to school MI and can't find a job after searching for about a month. I told him if he came out here he had a job. He probably wouldn't even need to fill out paperwork and have an annoying interview. And I could get him a job pretty much anywhere he wanted. I'm not an all powerful big sister, I just live in a place where the labor force is so small (living expenses high) they take just about anyone. But of course they would be lucky to have my LB. And WoooooHooooo would we have some crazy fun!!!

Graduation and Groupies

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Ok. I found one. From left to right: Jess, Me, Joseph and Amanda. Jess and Amanda are two new friends that I met while in St. Louis-- They Rock!!!

Once I figure this Facebook Tagging thing there will be more.

PS-The horoscope trifecta is still wreaking havoc. On top of being bored, the possibility of direction and/or schedule is eluding (sp?) me.

What to do...

Back in the Tahoe bubble from vacation. I am bored. Work was busy over the holiday weekend, but has dropped off suddenly. I resorted to going to Reno last night. I was that bored. I need a new hobby. Soon. Before "Reckless Behavior" offers up something destructive. I know myself. The last time this happened I woke up naked in a hotel room. With someone sleeping next to me. The time before that I went on the first date with my ex. And we can all guess how that turned out.

At the same time I am looking for an instutuion to blame and blame I will. Roman Catholic Church I'm pretty sure this is all you fault. Soon I will have the full psycohanalitical report: Reckless Behavior and The Id Guilt Complex: A Basis for Faith. Well, it's nice to know that the $30,000 I spent putting myself through school wasn't a waste.

I'm trying to recover some new pics of myself. I'll keep trying. Maybe soon. Until then I'll be at the bar.

Sun Shower?

Friday, May 04, 2007

**HockeyGirl: Do you remember theses from GS? Heavy as f*ck weren't they?**

From Refrence.com:

A sunshower is an unusual meteorological phenomenon in which rain falls while the sun is shining . These conditions often lead to the appearance of a rainbow, if the sun is at a low enough angle . The term "sunshower" is used in the United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and parts of Britain, but is rarely found in dictionaries . Additionally, the phenomenon has a wide range of sometimes remarkably similar folkloric names in cultures around the world . A common theme is that of trickster animals, or the devil, getting married, although many variations of parts of this theme exist .

I grew up in Michigan. We do not have these so called "sunshowers". When it rains or snows there, it is all icky grey and gross.

Here in Northern California inttermittnet sun/snow combo is alarmingly bizzare.

In less than 24 hours I will be leaving for my vacation. It will be great.

I'm even going to rough it tonight and sleep outside. My sister calmed down a bit, but she will lord "the crashing on her couch" over me until she's dead.

On a completely unrealted note: Dog acting like real dog. Fiore decided that jumping into the lake after pinecones is her third favorite activity (#1: Food, #2: Bugs as food). She now smells like Swamp Thing.

Aries, Capricorn and Gemini on a Full Moon

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I moved out of my house yesterday. I am sooo excited to be camping again. I love being outside. Buildings make me depressed and after six months of being inside I am ready for the confort of nylon housing. Except...

It's currently snowing right now. A lot.

So the Ascending Cap in me planned to be sleeping soundly in my cozy little tent home tonight. The Sun Sign Aries is looking for a guy to go home with and share "Body Heat". And the Moon Sign Gemini is falling back on her family and feeling really guilty spending the night on her sisters floor, when she should be paying rent.

I'm blaming the full moon.

Pick-Me-Up

Monday, March 26, 2007

I know it's only Monday, but I needed this to cheer me up:

Not Fair Part II

I did my taxes. I owe the gov. $142. This is not fair. I wanted this refund to pay for a computer. Without a computer, my entire bussiness plan is down the crapper. This stinks.

On the brighter side of life: 1.) It's snowing. Hard. 2.) I looked hot today (before the snow ruined my look). 3.) I have a puppy (Ok, she's five, but she'll always be a puppy to me.)

On the darker side: I don't know if I'm going to make rent. SH*T.

Not Fair

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I had planned on doing my taxes (at least starting them), during this time I have on the library computer. I know you are shocked how a woman like me does not own a computer. Well, at least I'm still not using dial-up. You know who you are!

No, taxes yet I still have 12 mintes, though. I did however completely alienate the man sitting next to me. Snorting and laughing out loud to a computer screen will do that. In my defense OkSerouisly is an effing funny blog.

So, the guy that asked me out for drinks, I bit the bullet and left him my number. He e-mails me back and leaves his number. WTF!?!!?! Am I supposed to call him now?

Regroup

Monday, March 19, 2007

Lost lost lost. I have lost my way. Far far far from my blog.

I have a list of topics that I brainstormed last week when I only have 6.5 minutes on the library computer. Not I have a whole 15 minutes and can't decide what to write. Oh well. I guess I have to start somewhere again.

Out of the blue someone e-mailed (Myspace) and asked me out for drinks. I'm having a bit of hesitation accepting the offer. The time I tried internet dating it didn't work out. Shiver. The real part of my is: Sure why not!!! The molded bruised safe part of me is: Remember what happened last time? GRRRRHAHHHUUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Erease it all. All the bad, ugly guarded parts are gone.

Huh, I titled this bolg for a reason. Wouldn't have guessed it was a secret wish.

Living and Learning

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

So, I feel good that I just vented all over blogland. A big step for me. But I want to learn how to not be so drained afterward (or even during). Suggestions anyone?

Drive Me Crazy

I think there was a Melissa Joan Hart movie to that title? This blog has nothing to do with that.

I am steaming mad at the roomate right now. I keep getting this lecture about how I need to pay rent. RIGHT NOW! I do need to pay rent. I'll agree to that and I will as soon as I have the money. I have been paid $521 by the yoga studio. I have to wait for it to be processed (48 hours). I've explained this to the roomate several times. She keeps making me feel like I'm fucking around. As if I realy do have the money, I just don't want to pay it. Completey pisssing me off.

I just got the "Don't be direspectful..." lecture. So angry about this.

Cut me some slack here. It is obovious that she sees the 48 hour waiting peroid as my fault, but there is little room to compromise for her. She could ask the landlord to not cash the check unitl later this week. Tell her the situation. I offered to talk to the landlord myself, that didn't go over well either.

She is making this out to be like I'm a repeat offender. Like we've been though this before. Not even close. I've never been late with my rent. NEVER. In fact while I was out of town I payed for two months (plus bills) up front. In September. I lived there for 20 days of the two months I payed for. I didn't have to do that. I wasn't obligated at all. I could have moved out.

And now I'me being treated like a freakin' criminal. GRRRRrrrrrr....

For My Big

Saturday, December 02, 2006

1. What are you proud of?
Myself. It's been a hard year, but I made it through, on top it all too!

2. What time do you wake up in the morning?
This morning I was up at 5:30am. Most days it's 7am.

3. If there was one person from your past that you could go back and talk to who would it be?
My grandmother.

4. Name 5 things in your freezer at the moment.
Cranberries
Cornish Game Hen
Bananas
Corn Muffins
Ice Cubes

5. Do you believe in afterlife?
Absolutely

6. what are 5 sites you visit daily?
Bolg and Releated Blogs
Yahoo Mail
MySpace (It's like crack)
Bank (Show me the Money!)
Half.com (Sad shopping fix)

7. 5 things you ate that you would never eat again?
Brussel Sprouts (Childhood Trauma)
Canned Stew
Anything from McDonalds (or the like)
Non-organic Apples
Tofu (Ick)

8. 5 things that make you sad.
People who are not kind.
People who don't believe in themselves
My parents getting old.
Fiore not being in my life.
Denial.

Readers Pick

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Warning: This blog is rated "R" for strong adult language

I wasn't sure what I should title this blog: Point of Contention or 20 Fucking Dollars. Read on and decide for yourself.

On Tuesday I went into my new job to fill out paperwork, get my badge, receive my uniform, blah, blah, blah.

I left truly overloaded with "stuff" I looked like a cartoon character that had been on a shopping spree, just the legs showing.

Molly the chatty HR lady that helped me, mentioned something about employee discounts. I didn't hear all of it, interference from the "stuff", so later that day I browsed though the employee handbook.

As a seasonal employee you don't get much. The pay usually sucks and no healthcare. We do get little perks here and there and the employee handbook is the best place to find them. Going down the list: 50% food, 25% retail, free ski lessons, $10/day ski rentals---WAIT WHAT?

$10 a day ski rentals!!! WTF!!! I'm still so 'effing angry about this. When I broke up with my former boyfriend, my parent were in the plane to come an visit me. I decided to wait until they left to break up with him (A whole five days). One thing at time right? And yes he was stuck doing the usual "parents in town stuff", dinner and a night out. My parents also went skiing at said resort and he offered to "take care of" their ski rental. I didn't ask, he offered. I felt slightly guilty, knowing the end result of the weekend. Still he offered.

When the break up did occur, it was not pretty. The ski rental and all the other things he had "done for my parents" was a huge point of contention. I was called some very ugly things which included, but not limited to: lying conniving dishonest using bitch.

I can take my lumps, fine, and maybe I should have broken up with him sooner, but my side of the situation was a pretty grey area. The ex on the other hand, FLAT OUT LIED TO ME AND THEN FUCKING BLAMED IT ON ME!!! HE MADE ME BELIEVE THAT HE HAD "WORKED OUT" THIS HUGE DEAL FOR MY PARENTS RENTAL ($80 or so), IN TRUTH HE DIDN'T PAY ANYTHING (except maybe in favors), AND IF HE HAD PAYED IT WOULD HAVE COST A WHOLE TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS. TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS!!!

I AM SO ANGRY!

Here is the number one way for me not to like you: Lie to me. I either know it off hand or eventually find out. The karmic world is good to me like that. I felt bad for my ex when we broke up. It was really hard for both of us. Sorry no more, my friends. The ex has moved to his rightful framework space: Genus, ASSHOLE Species, POND SCUM.

I already have my little speech for him if I do run into him at work (TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS....!) I just hope that there are no small children or innocent bystanders.

Note to reader: If you haven't figured it out yet, DON'T piss me off. It will be ugly very very very ugly. I don't get angry often, but I make it memoralbe when I do. Just ask Bob my high school youth group leader. Still to this day he brings up the one time he saw me angry, and how it scared the shit out of him (his exact words).

Overtime From Pearlie

Monday, November 27, 2006

It's still snowing.

Today has been a strange day and can be summed up with the following: Caravan of four cars double park on the two lane road (snowy slippery)in downtown Truckee. In front of the yoga studio, where I work. Why? To stand outside in only sweatshirt and smoke cigarettes. Is it just me or does this seem really really wrong?

I was also reminded of my trip to SF. It was a good end to my vacation and I spent some time with an estranged friend. I also saw this:



Yes, my blogging friends that is a cat on a leash. Nothing too special. BUT....

Who was walking the cat? Good Question!

A transient person (i.e. a homeless man). It was probably the strangest thing I have ever seen. A cat on a leash, attached to a shopping cart full of stuff belonging to a man who was panhandling for money. Still puzzled.

It is just me or do cats look completely miserable on a leash? Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should.

Like this:



Are we really that bored?

I seem to have a cat theme this week, too. Interesting...

PS-Pearlie, thanks(?) for landing you car in a ditch and getting your chain (in the most unremovealbe way) wrapped around the tire. I have enjoyed this guilt free overtime blogg.

PPS- I am nauseated at the number of cat themed sewater that people could wear (Why? Go, why?

For Reals

Sunday, November 26, 2006

It's snowing. WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!

Tomorrow I will have most of my ducks in a row. Winter jobs will be starting and I can pay my bills. I'm a little worried working at the resort that my ex works at. We didn't separate on the best terms. It's only a matter of time before we run into each other. I know this, he may not. Which makes me feel a sad for him. BAD BAD BAD habit. protecting the people I date. It's fierce and un-stopable. I've painted myself into a corner more than once. Maybe I should date someone I don't feel like that towards. OOOooo, I might be on to something. Yeah!!

My roomate will be out of town until Thursday, so I can have naked time when ever I want. I slept on the couch last night. It was pretty cold and the wood stove is our only source of heat. My little dog can only produce so much heat. Men are much better at keeping you warm at night.

I'm a little worrried about my sister. She seems depressed. I could think of a couple of reasons why, but I'm not sure how to approach the topic. I have a little experience here and I'm pretty sure "Hey, L I think you are depressed and should talk about it" won't go over well.

NOTE: If someone in you life is depressed DO NOT (I repeat DO NOT) advise them to "do something" about it. Here's why: 1. It takes all their energy to get out of bed in the morning. The last thing we need in another thing to do. 2. If they could fix it by just doing one thing, they would. 3. Something is so vague it makes thier head hurt even more. So what should you do? Any of the following: Tell them that you love them and really care about them. Ask them if there is anything that you can to to help. Offer to take them to see someone. And taking my own advice: Do not ignore that this person in you life is sad. Let them know what you see and how it affects you (rememeber to use nonviolent communication).

Maybe I will say something.

Making My Day

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Yeah, I'm absolutely sure I could have been doing something more productive than blog surfing. It totally paid off.

I found the Stuff On My Cat website. I laughed so hard at this picture, I cried. Can't remember the last time that happened. It felt good.

That cat will be killing someone in it's sleep. Still laughing.

Growing Out

Last night, I had my first massage appointment. It went really well and my client saved my ass. I can afford a turkey and some cranberries. Truly, thankful.

I was disturbed by the reaction of my friends. Yes, I went to a strange man's house to massage him. Yes, he could have raped/murdered me. Yes, I understand that you have my back and care for me.

BUT..

Really WTF!! I think it's a huge mistake to assume that anyone will behave in a certian way beacuse of their gender. Pisses me off. I cannot will not buy into the the "predator male" scare tatic that has been ingrained into our lives. Femminism goes both ways, it's all about respect and being equals. Being secretive about abuse and violence isn't goig to help to problem. Ideas and behavior that support the idea every one with a penis will potentially be violent towards me, won't help either. It just another scapegoat excuse that is easier to hold on to and defend than challenging ourselves to growing.

I love the men in my life. I love that they are kind good people that care. I love the fact I can lean on them and they lean back. I don't fear them, even as a stranger.

In the nick of time...

Monday, November 20, 2006

I decided last month that I will not be celebrating Christmas. I'm not Christan to begin with so celebrating "our saviors birth" seems a little fake. Kwanzaa are possiblities Hanukah, but I don't how to celebrate either one. I may have decided on the good old pagan holiday of Yule (i.e. Winter Solstice), true I have no clue how to celebrate this holiday, but pagans are pretty cool with making stuff up as you go along. That is until I discovered Gobal Orgasm Day (December 22, 2006). I can to this, have fun, not be stressed out, minimal chance of over eating/over drinking, no crowds to fight, no money to spend and possibly change the world. What is there not to love?

You can check out the founders blog here. Read the comments they are effing hilarious!!

Good Times

Here's a recent pic of me (in red) and my massage family.



From left to right: Andrew (Calss Clown), Joanna (Serious Teacher), Ciela (The Dancer), Fatty (Needs a little skin on his bones), Christine (The Journalist), Kristy (Funny Teacher). In front: Katie (Fellow Arian), Myself and Josh (The slightly neurotic one)

Cyberspace Snow Dance

1. Massage clients. It's no longer about the money. I cannot (CANNOT!) sit in front of a computer for eight hours a day. I'd rather shovel horse shit.



2. SNOW!!!!! I want to SKI!!! I have gas money, skis and my pass. Well, clothes too. All I need is the magic white stuff!! Please powder gods and goddeses (snow) shower down upon us and bless these humble mortals with freedom, speed and beauty.

Not just anybody...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I've been sitting at a desk. My index finger now has a stress injury from all my internet surfing. Sunday's are pretty slow around here. I caught up on some shopping and stalking (see below).

The thing is that I'm on the verge of complete boredom. The massaging hasn't picked up yet and I have no money. I recieved charity quinoa (keen-wa) from my roomate. You know you are a hippie when your hungry, po' and as a hand out you get an un-pronouncealbe grain to live off for the next week.

I did carpe diem and having little or no food yesterday, did a gall bladder cleanse. Ick, right? Exactly. Let's just say the results were very interesting and not uncommon in the Land of Hydrogenated Fatty Foods. Save your gall bladder from the clutches of the evil surgeon and raise your glass of olive oil and lemon juice!!!!

So here are some new pictures of me. Ok, no photos just yet. Yahoo! isn't working. Blar.

I am metal and I am steel...

Laura and I went to see Bob Schneider on Wednesday. I was f&*%($*g awesome. Just a little crush. He cut his hair, too. Still hot.



My week hit a low on Thursday. Never use Sallie Mae, they fucked me over, big time. I need a Bob Fix.



A song titled: "All I want for Christmas is my Methadone". How can you go wrong?

Shelter Cove

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I collected rocks today. Here....



The waves were huge and so beautiful. I didn't take this picture, but it's pretty close. Maybe a bit more rain, soggier shoes. I have a pretty good collection to start my Hot Stone Massage collection. I had a great day. Hopefully, the first of many to come.

On My Mind

Monday, November 06, 2006

I am struggling my way though this Hot Stone Intensive. Again and again my thoughts drift to one fear: I will be going back to Lake Tahoe. I will have to drive a car again. Shop at Safeway. See a television. Not loking forward to all the stress and distractions. I like my day simple. I like my food simple. I like my job simple. I like my life simple.

I also know that I can't hide forever. I had a place outside this world and it's still there for me. I just hope I'll make it through the re-entry phase.

I wish I could shut my brain off.

Moments Lost

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I have experienced the full rage of emotions these past few weeks. Even ones that I didn't think existed (i.e. "I wish she would stop poking my aura, it annoying the f**k out of me." and "I guess the Ruben sandwhich was o.k."). Right now the meter is pensive with a slight chance of anti-social behavoir.

Good news is I've finally gotten my shit together and went back to school. Massage school. My nickname in college wasn't "Magic Fingers" for nothing and is possibly another post all together, but I digress. I've just finished my intensive and started a week of Hot Stone training. I plan on getting "stoned" everyday this week.

Puns are what happen when you live on a commune (with out the pedaphile, werid religion/uniforms). I think sustainable living community might be a better description. I'm consistently enterianed. I have also discovered:

You can leave you stash out and no one will steal it. It will probably be truned to the lost and found with a announcement made at dinner for lost/found stash.

Shower/Bathing are optional yet it's not as bad as imagined.

You share a phone with 70 other people and always get you messages. It may be 3 days later, but a much better track record than your own family.

Clothing optional sauna/jacuzzi=Heaven

Sponatenous singing, humming and hugging. Sometimes even in the sauna/jacuzzi!!

You can have a past life and people are actually interested.

You never watch TV and don't miss it.

Ice Cream and Chocolate are delicacies (sp?).

For fun: you get high, eat a ton of sugar and dance off your sugar high to 12:30am.

Bedtime is usually 9pm.

You meet amazing people that will change you life.

You don't have to wear a bra ever again!!

The real world just sounds exausting.

Kim Needs....

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I pulled this from a Myspace posting.

Type "(Your Name) needs" into Google and be amused at what is returned.

Here's what I got:

Kim needs to take off the gloves (....ummmm sure...)

I was hoping for something I actually needed like money, a new job, but no.

I have GLOVES!!

PS-I looked for a glove picture but ended up searching for "Kim needs" in Google images. I ended up looking at baby seal being clubbed to death. I think I'm going to be sick.
PPS- This ball glove pic came from The Sandalady. The sweet old lady fixing baseball glove almost made up for the seal clubbing trauma. (Shiver)

Word of the Day, vol 2

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Two well educated people (myself and my current crush) did not reconize this word. So, I thought it worthy to showcase it in "Word of the Day":

phenomenology
noun
1. the study of phenomena.
2. the system of Husserl and his followers stressing the description of phenomena.
or
noun
1. A philosophy or method of inquiry based on the premise that reality consists of objects and events as they are perceived or understood in human consciousness and not of anything independent of human consciousness.
2. A movement based on this, originated about 1905 by Edmund Husserl.

I will admit the idea that the only consciousness we percieve is the one we create as humans, is a litte deep for 9:00am, but it's fun to say fi-nom-uh-nol-uh-jee.

I'M FRRREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Well mostly....

My hours at the Evil Snack Bar have been limited to three, eight hour shifts. I slept in this morning and yesterday morning too. I might even get to sleep in tomorrow. 9am is considered sleeping in. I'm wondering if my AARP card will arrive in the mail soon. NO wait I live in Truckee, I actually won't be getting that until my 75th birthday.

I missed my dreams. My fucked up Kubrick on LSD dreams. I love my dreams. It's like going to the movies, but better. No screaming children, not soggy popcorn, no commericals for real estate, no shelling out $12.95 for two hour of whoknowswhat. Ahhhh, dreams.

Went on a hike with my sister, too. It was awesome. Posting pics soon.

Discoveries to Love

Saturday, August 19, 2006

I wouldn't admit this outside Blogland, but I spend a lot of time on the internet at work. I don't know if this is OK or not. I do my actual work, I guess I have a lot of down time. I struggle with the guilt (Out, out damn guilt!!!) everyday.

A few new favorites I wanted to share:

RESCUE ME



I've never been interested in fire fighting, firefighters maybe:-), but there is something about this show that makes me watch every week. Surprise of the week: My sster contemplated being a volunteer firefighters. I'm still chewing on that.

PAWEL JONCA


The Seed, 2003

No clue where I found this guy. I find him inspiring with his combination of detail and humor. Beautiful, beautiful images.

DEVA PREMAL

accidentally discovered her 'dakshina' album. This woman has an truly amazing, pure and healing voice. Move over Enya.


NATALIE DEE



I know I've already featured Natalie in "Borgasm", but this woman is f^$&#*@ hilarious. Check out her blog for some good reading and a picture of Tom Cruise as a woman.

Throwing an Onion

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I read this "story" today on The Onion website. It's pretty dark , but hella funny.

Teen Drowns Right In Middle Of Grief Counselor's First Date In Two Years

August 11, 2006

ANKENY, IA—In a turn of events local grief counselor Maggie Hedrick described Tuesday as "typical" and "[her] life in a nutshell," the 32-year-old’s first date since entering her 30s ended abruptly Sunday when the lifeless body of Washburn High School sophomore David Schiller was found in nearby Big Creek Lake.
Enlarge ImageGrief Counselor

"The waiting is the hardest part," says Hedrick. "At least David's parents don't have to go through that."

Schiller, who could literally have chosen any other day in the last two years to achieve a reported blood-alcohol level of .22, fall out of his canoe, and ingest three gallons of water, opted to drown on the one evening Hedrick had plans to meet and have dinner with an actual single male.

"Why is it no one ever jumps off a building or dies in a car crash when I’m stuck playing solitaire at home?" Hedrick said. "I pulled weeds from my garden all day Saturday. Where were all the drownings of teenaged boys with their whole lives still ahead of them then?"

While Hedrick acknowledged that no one is ever prepared for a tragic loss of the magnitude of Schiller’s death, she said she should have nonetheless seen it coming, given her personal luck. "Helping family members through the grieving process is never easy," Hedrick said. "But it’s especially heartbreaking when you have to ditch a handsome guy who also happens to like early-20th-century architecture."
Teen Drowns Teen R

Schiller

Emergency rescue teams, working with what Hedrick called "speed and efficiency on a level I’d never before seen from them, of course," recovered Schiller’s body less than 40 minutes after Hedrick and substitute teacher Jeff Lindenbaum, 30, met for dinner at a local seafood restaurant. Approximately 15 minutes later, Hedrick received a call from Ankeny police summoning her to the scene of the accident, as if her immediate presence would somehow bring Schiller’s bloated, waterlogged corpse back to life.

A report issued Monday by the Polk County Coroner’s Office put Schiller’s time of death somewhere between the moment Lindenbaum arrived at Hedrick’s residence with a bouquet of fresh flowers at 6:34 p.m. and the very instant both realized that the other also had wishes to someday raise a family at 6:58 p.m.

"I don’t want to sound insensitive, but David’s parents will have the rest of their lives to mourn the death of their only son," said Hedrick, who claimed to have a "pretty good idea" how Howard and Janet Schiller felt when they heard the news. "Initial denial of a tragedy is a natural and understandable human impulse. What’s another two or three hours, in the grand scheme of things?"

"Don’t get me wrong, it would’ve been a whole different situation had the date been going badly. In fact, I would have probably welcomed Schiller’s death if that had been the case," Hedrick added. "But Jeff and I were really hitting it off."

Although Lindenbaum left a message on Hedrick’s voice mail late Sunday night, he has not called again since, leading Hedrick to fear that a rare opportunity for a serious relationship may have been "totally blown."

"David’s death has affected not only those who knew him, but also those who had never even met him," Hedrick said. "Not even once."

"I don’t know exactly how Howard and Janet are handling this, as I’ve been too busy wondering if Jeff will ever call me again to actually pay attention, but I imagine they must feel responsible on some level," continued Hedrick. "While it’s just a hypothesis, there’s a possibility that if both parents had paid more attention to their son, I would be getting laid right now."

"What a tragic waste of a night," she added.

History For One

Saturday, August 05, 2006

I am always amused when I read back over my blog/journal entries. Always. It gives me self-esteem a little boost, too. On paper I'm well thought out, intelectual and humouros. I've had a hard time feeling like that in real life, so it's good to know I haven't lost it somewhere. Highlights of the past round include:

Completely forgettiing that my nipple being bitten by a horse. See May 2005, I didn't make it up, promise.
Laughing at the agony I felt breaking up with Aidan and my list after list of resoning. I think I might be over it and from now on naked time is a must.

Four Things Times Nine and then Some

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Honest to Goddess truth: I like reading the "About You" Surveys, but I despise filling them out. I think I may have once sometime during college? (Hahaha...That's an excellent answer to any question you don't want to really divulge.) Thatgirl had recently posted this and I actually feel compelled to fill it out, enjoy!!

A) Four jobs I have had in my life
1. Receptionist at a Yoga Studio
2. Director of a Girl Scout Camp
3. Medical Assistant at a Choice Clinic and Planned Parenthood
4. Glorified Baby sitter (i.e. subsitute teacher, outdoor rec manager, dorm parent)

B) Four movies you would watch over and over that no one would ever guess:
1. Babe
2. L.A. Story
3. Waynes World 1 and 2
4. Napoenln Dynamite

C) Four places you have lived:
1. Michigan (Holly, East Lanising and Clarkston)
2. Illinois (Chicago)
3. Texas (Austin, Dallas)
4. California (Lake Tahoe-ish)

D) Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Coupling
2. Girlfriends
3. Friends
4. Arrested Develpoment

E) Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Cozumel (Eat, Sleep, Lay on Beach Topless)
2. Rome (Amazing), Paris (Hot), London (Old Stuff Overload)
3. Yellowstone, Big Bend, Adarondacks, Gila, Tahoe
4. Washington, D.C. (Hands down the worst family vaca. ever)

F) Four websites you visit daily:
1. Yahoo
2. Myspace
3. IBM Texas Employees Federal Credit Union
4. Nevada County Library

G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Gluten-Free: cake, doughnuts, pies, cookies, pasta (I have Celiac Disease)
2. Salmon with steamed veggies and rice
3. Any type of berry
4. Ice Cream (organic of course)

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Having amazing sex
2. Swimming
3. Dancing in my living room
4. Hiking with my dog

I) Favorite Sports:
1. Hockey (To watch)
2. Skiing (In winter)
3. Hoseback Riding/Rock Climbing (In Summer)
4. Hide and Seek, Sardines and Red Rover (Because they never get old)

I don't know where J-Z is, so I made up some of my own.

J) Four place you've had sex besides your bedroom:
1. On the Beach
2. In the Media Room
3. At a Party
4. In a Shower

K) Four embarrasing moments:
1. Throwing up on the bus in 4th grade
2. Throwing up at my best friends 13th birthday party
3. Professional Bull Riders Competion (Reno, NV)
4. Temper Tantrum at Mammoth Ski Resort (Not pretty, but really funny. In my defense skiing with numb feet is impossible)

L) Four People you would like to meet:
1. My Soul Mate
2. Ani Di Franco
3. Dr. Alfred Kinsey
4. The First Woman President

M) Four things that make you feel like a kid again:
1. Dancing
2. Making that "squeaky" noise with your straw
3. Hanging out with my siblings
4. Camping

N) Four things you would like to do before you expire:
1. Pay off my school loans
2. Buy three houses
3. Live guilt free
4. Be a good person

O) Four personality traits you cannot stand:
1. People who are always the victim
2. Laziness
3. Any centric thinking
4. "I'm right your wrong" type of people

P) Four Personality Traist I admire about people:
1. Honesty
2. Courage: To do the right thing or to change themselves for the better
3. Kindness
4. Their ability to laugh at themselves

Q) Four pets you have had:
1. K.C. (dog)
2. Smugde (cat)
3. Fiore (dog)
4. Mixie (cat)

R) Four Pet Peeves:
1. Spitting
2. People who don't read signage
3. Bad Parenting
4. Messy Closets

S)Four things you look forward to this month (August):
1. Paying off my credit card bills
2. A weekend in Napa
3. Hanging out with my sister
4. Sleeping in and/or doing yoga


I only got to "S", my days of getting to know you/ice breakers are fading. Namaste.

Loopy History

Cleaning out the e-mails and found this one:

Scott,

I sent a mass e-mail to tell everyone this, but you
are special and get a personal e-mail. Hahaha. I
just didn't want you to be out of the loop. I moved
again. To California. Crazy huh? Been here about a
week. It's snowed 20+ inches. Fiore loves it. I love
it too. The job in Dallas wasn't for me. I can't
spend 10-12 hours in a kitchen and work 70 hours a
week. It's just not me. Let me know what is up in
your side of the country. Take care.

HUGS!
Keem

I feel like I need to justify recent actions, but only to myself. I have two jobs now. I work 80 hours a week now. 40 of them in a kitchen. The only excuse I can come up with is that Dallas is a hole and I was depressed. I feel better about myself, my life and my direction. I'm puzzled really. Something, so unhappy then is reaonable and exciting now. I never would have guessed.

Word of the Day

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I suscribe to the word of the day on my Yahoo! account. Yes, I am a word geek and proud of it!! I've know all the words of the day for the past seven years. Today I was suprised I had never heard this word, but I think its a great adjective.

The word of the day is:

phlegmatic
definition: (adjective) sluggish and unemotional in temperament.

I like it because it sounds a lot like phlem. Not that I like phlem. But the word itself is very good at describing itself. I'm picturing a nasty cold that is sluggish to leave your nose. A person with a goober green aura (ick). Someone or some thing with a negative cool factor. ie said person walks into room and the cool factor drops to a negative scale. Exapmles include my sisters old roomate and Hitler.

The J1 Polsih guys from work are having a party tonight. I can't wait. I was promised where would be dancing!

1-2, Cha cha cha!

Quoting the Dead

Thursday, June 29, 2006

i have a confession: I have been advoiding my blog. Actively advoiding. My coping mechanism is to intenalize my thought and feelings. I guess I've defaulted. I know the importantce to "venting" to blogland. I just suck at taking care of myself.

In the news, my parents turned fifty. They were insanely young when they had me (a mistake/blessing) at 22. My mom still says condom as a swear word. Divorce is also said as a swear word. Come to think of it, I don't think she's ever said "gay" either.

I threw them a birthday party. A suprise birthday party. I think my stomach deserves an award for the shit I put it through the last couple of months and espically the last week.

First, I lied waaaaayyyy toooo much to the 'rents to pull this thing off. Second, it was wayyyyyyy toooo easy to lie to them. I did make easy on myself, I kept it mostly real with a bit if tweaking here and there.

When you are a kid you think that you can get away with lying, but you suck at it because you are six. When you're an adult however, it's not hard to do, but the guilt, oh, the guilt. I felt really bad for my parents.

I'm sitting in the parking lot at Hobby Lobby, two blocks from my parents house. I'm talking to my dad. I'm supposedly in LA waiting for my plane. I felt like a superhero with three different identities. I don't think I could ever work for the CIA or even be an actress. I have a hard time figuring out who I am on a daily baisis. Playing a part would be no good.

The party went over very well. Both of my parent were suprised. It was exactly how I imagined it.

I'm so glad it's all over, but at the same time....I keep wondering:

What the hell do I do now?

I don't really have anything to stress about. Money is good. Bills are mostly paid. I have a place to sleep and food to eat.

What a long strange trip it's been....

Spring Cleaning

Sunday, June 18, 2006

A couple of updates. Enjoy.

"32 Flavors"

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone

And god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say

Squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

Better Prospective

Friday, March 24, 2006

I found place. I feel a gillion times better. Everything else will fall into place. I'm pretty sure about that.

Just Remembered

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

It's "Eye Candy" Wedsenday. Ok, that isn't offical, but I need distraction in my stressful state. Internet=Distraction.

My sister and I watched "Pride and Prejudice" the movie. Not the 6 tape A&E version. I have to say I missed him. I missed Colin Firth. So here he is.



I was hoping to find him in a kilt (Check SFH Blog), but then I realized that he's English not Scotish. So here are a couple more:




and click here to see the best ones.

Hmmmm....

I just clicked on the next blog button just for fun. I got a whole lot of fun and porn on juliasloveguide.blospot.com. I'm really not sure what to think: My lucky day or Blogspot Smut?

For the record I'm undecided on the whole porn issue. Good, bad, other? Who knows?

A Little Bit...

...stressed that is. Or, should I say: STRESSED!!!!!

My lovely roomate has infomed me that she wants to live alone. She told me this a week ago. Our lease ends April 1st.

I have a full time job and no money. This could be explained if I had a drug, alcohol, gambling, shoe addicition. I don't. So I now have another job. With the man. Starbucks. Ok, they are still the man, but they have really good benis and they work with my other commitments. I get to arrive at work at 4am and drink all the coffee I want.

I am not a nice person sleep deprived and strung out on caffiene.

My previous employer (cough) forgot to take out for my federal taxes. My 1040EZ is all kinds of messed up from this.

My sister's car broke down. I get to play chauffer in my non existent spare time.

I wish I was in a better mood.

Really I promise I'm a nice person.

Lucky Me

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I have my sister's computer for the evening. I'm supposed to be doing taxes (Blar). Of course, bloggin is much more fun. It hard to stay away. It's been over a month. Blogland I miss you.

I just had an over whelming sense of guilt. I thought about what I wanted to write, but then I thought "That's not nice, you shouldn't say anything."

In defiance of my deep seeded guilt I will say it. There are many other things I haven't done in the past month. Having happy fun naked time, doing the hibbity dibbitty, enjoying naptime, etc. It's actually been more like five months. I broke up with the boyfriend at the end of January. You do the math.

I am at a crossroads here. Do I vent my frustrations of my previous relationship to the deep sea of blog? Who will read this? Will he read this? He can. Should that stop me? Is this helpful behavior or just an attempt to keep holding on? Do I even have a right to say (maybe possibly tarnished) things about my ex eventhough I ended the realtionship?

The problem is I did do the breaking up. It sucked. A LOT. I have not allowed myself the space to really recover. I feel like I should just be able to get over this. Move on the next day, right? It was my choice I should embrace it!!

There was an intensty in our relationship that left an abundance of psychological carnage. For both parties involved. That sucks, too. I know how much that this must of hurt for the other party involved. I have an empathy envelope that is truly inhibiting the recovery process.

Fuck it. My therapist appointment isn't until next week.

The thing is, I left that relationship because I had no identity. I didn't have much going into and I felt more lost than ever in the last months of our realtionship. Could I have stopped it? I didn't even know that it had happened. I'm not sure how or why or when. And the bigger problem is how do I get it back?

Ok that's only partly true. I know how it happened. Part of it was the sex. I can't apologize. The nice girl part of my wants to badly, but I need to leave this behind. I will say nothing more but this: I have a true identiy in my sexuality. I love that part about myself. I like sharing this part of myself with other worthy people. I feel that is the least poisioned and healthiest part of my psyche. I understand that the person you are with has thier issues and own needs. However, when someone does not want to have sex with you yet they are (supposedly) attracted to you feel ugly, unwanted and hideous. I feel hideous, unwanted and unattractive. The one part I felt confident and healthy about I couldn't even express. What little self esteem I had has been dissolved. I had nothing left.

My deepest fear is that I will be called shallow and selfish for this choice. And in my fucked up little world, I guess I would be. I'm trying to change that world thoes rules that I didn't make, but had to obey just to survive. There is no thriving or living in the world I came from. Just pain, survival and getting by.

I can't do that any more I can't. I might not be the nice girl anymore.

Ohio

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I never thought I would be writing a post about Ohio. Why? Well, Ohio is lacking in many many ways. I can count on my hand the number of cool things there are to do in Ohio.

#1 Cedar Point
#2 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame/Museam
#3 Lake Erie (Minus the Zebra Mussels. Oh, I wouldn't eat anything you catch.)
#4 My Aunt lives there?
#5 Well, I couldn't even come up with five.

It's pretty darn boring and unexciting. People living in Detroit make fun of Ohio. Most of Midwesterns do too. It's sad.

But who do people from Ohio make fun of?* I was blown away when my co-worker born and raised in Ohio (By the way, Detroit was a vacation destination for them growing up.) Laid into, very very passionately: The Amish. Yes, the Amish. She went off on the Amish! I couldn't believe it! The Amish.

Now, I will say she had a point that no culture or sub-culture is a perfect Utopia. We have a view that the Amish have chosen a "better/purer" life. Which may not be the case, but picking on the Amish, just dosen't seem fair. They have a culture that has sustained itself without the all technological hoopla (or most of it).

I'm still a little confused about all this. Ohio and the Amish, I never would have thought.

*This is, of course not based on fact, just recent suprising experience.

Living Single

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I am offically single again. It's public. I broke up with the boyfriend.

I would like to give you the play by play, but the truth is break-ups suck and this one wasn't really any different.

Why? Honeslty, I outgrew the realationship or the realtionship wasn't growing as fast as I needed. "It's not you it's me" guised as another phrase.

I'm much sadder about the whole thing than I thought I would be. Eventhough, I was the breaker.

I'm not glad to break-up with someone, but the timing was right espically since rest of the week has been a blur.

The Mighty Escort died. Stranded on the side of the road. It wasn't worth fixing it. So, I found myself wearing the first time car buyer hat. I would like to flat out (Well, at least in cyber space) tell my father he was wrong, the car I got was a good deal and I even talked the dealer down from the asking price. I went with my intuition and feel good about my decision. Being informed is good, but there is a balance between the brain and the gut.

I am now the proud owner of a 2001 (new to me) Subaru Impreza Outback. I guess I'm in love again!! At least I know the break-up probably won't happen until after I pay it off (ouch).

PS-There needs to be a better phrase than break-up. It sounds like you had a realtionship with a china tea cup, not a person. Dissolved? Clean up? Downsized? Any suggestions?

One Love

Thursday, January 26, 2006

My parents are in town. That means a lot to the peeps out there who have acutally met my parents. Or better yet: Been yelled at by my father or stuffed full of cookies by my mother. The long and short of it.

A couple weeks ago I battled with a week long depression. My remission has been excellent lately, but the holidays brought on some blues. Honestly, I would take a shitty week over the mind numbing years that I've previously experienced.

Depression? Parents? Where is this all going? Today has scientifically proven that my parents make me depressed. I can't escape the bleakness. It's amazing that I've never made this connection before.

Synopsis:
Mom-- She was raised to be the perfect wife and mother. Doting and sacrificing everything for her husband and children. She has no identity. She can't decide what pants to wear.

Dad-- Recovering Acolholic. Starting over career. Template type A personality. Busy but only really distracted. Really, really, really, lucky that his children still talk to him.

Three minutes into the movie it you know nothing good is going to happen. (Thinking of Mystic River, Godfather, Monster?) I grew up in this plot. Sad, sad life where people are strong armed by expectations and obligations. Happiness is a luxury.

Harshly critical? Maybe. But I see it objectivly. It is what it is. I can only change and improve myself. I am truly sad that I see my mother and father as older people in my life, not my parents. Strange and true.

I'm just glad I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.

Sunday Bloody Sunday...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I am in pain. My back/hip area is fucked up. It's the kind of pain that makes you nausea. Looking forward to standing for eight hours straight at work tonight. In a bit of a funk also. Not sure why. It could be the ass numbing pain, but I feel like it's more. The word restless is coming to mind. Hmmm...

BORGASM

Thursday, December 01, 2005

It rained today. It is very exciting. Here rain will become snow and snow in Tahoe equals money. Everyone needs money. Whooohoo Rain!!!

It hasn't rained here in about 4 months. I live in the desert 6500 ft above sea level. Rain makes things green and grow. Everyone likes pretty green trees. Yay Rain!!!

My car broke down. Today. Why today? Because it is fucking raining and colder than Billy Graham at a GLBT mixer. Everyone hates car trouble.

There are certian words that you do NOT want to hear when you are having car trouble. Words like: Brakes, wiper fluid, air pressure, trunk are neutral and register minimal dollar signs in your brain. However words like: transmission, heater coil, radiator and alternator are not good.

I got the "a" word. Yep, my alternator is fucked.

The most ironic part is that this part new plus labor is about as much as I paid for my POS 1988 (and a half) Ford Escort hatchback.

Currently, I am stranded at work with my boyfriend. I'm barely hanging on to my sanity waiting for the inevatable Borgasm.

We Intterupt Your Daily Blog

Friday, November 04, 2005

I am not dead, I have not fallen off the earth. I didn't run away to Bali, Greece, of India. I am alive and mostly well. I promise.

My fater called me this morning. He's called me twice in the past week. I realized that this was bad. He never calls. Ever. I'm glad he's concernced.

Fishy and Gina's phone message have gone from "Hey, what's up..?" to "Where are you... and then something about a police report"

My ex (twice), brother (twice), roomate from college (four times). The list is distressing.

Thank you so much for the love. I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk. Bad cell phone reception, evening work schedule and a resurgance of my depression have contributed to a "Don't want to do anything" mind set.

I'll hopefully be getting a computer in a week or so. And I now have a desk to put it on. I guess I've gotten used to moving that a I'm at a lost in my new (improved) stationary life.

Reclaiming My Childhood

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Lately, I have been doing some serious work. Emotional work that is. I have found myself dealing with issues that I shoved away so long ago I actually neverthought I would see them again. Haha. I can't candy coat it. The places I've gone to are not pretty and I'll spare you the details. I know every semi-functional human being goes through this and I know that I will come out stronger. Welcome to Sucksville, USA. Where my traumatic childhood lives.

On a better note. I have found some enjoyment in trying to be a kid again. I bought a piano and have played it more this week than I ever did taking lessons. And my wonderful boyfriend sent me a link to Lite Brite
I was denied my creative possibilites by my mother who did not want to pick up all the little pieces of the Lite Brite. I'd like to add I never got my pony/horse either.

So FH....

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Thought a little eye candy would be nice for Hump Day. Mmmmm....

Ladies click here

And here's something for everybody....

Lazy Day...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Greenapril, your breed of dog at work is a Border Collie

You don't give up and that's your key to success. Though people might not always expect it from you since you're so sociable in the office, you've got success on the brain and won't stop short 'til you get there.

Bored? Try http://www.tickle.com A quiz for everyone and every mood.

Here what I'm wondering: If I'm a Border Collie at work, why can I not keep a job?

Snow

Thursday, September 08, 2005

My boyfriend bought me this incredible gift. It's a ball that you make ice cream in. One end you put the ice and salt. The other end you put the will be ice cream goodness. You throw it around for about 20 minutes and 'viola' you have ice cream. Fun and Yummy!!

Last week we were making ice cream and I metioned that, as a child, we had an electric ice cream maker. We would make ice cream during the winter because the snow was free. Aidan replies: 'In college, I used to put snow in my bong.'

Not much you can say to that can you? So, there you have it ladies an gentlemen, The Snow Bong.

Keeping Trac

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Looking for a job (again) and scanning the local ski resort emploment listings. Came across one that is so entertaining that I might just apply. Enjoy!!

TRACTOR DRIVER (part time)
Drives funky old International Farmall Tractors with attached passenger trailers in the parking lot, picking up customers and safely transporting them to the Main Lodge or their vehicle.

Must be friendly, courteous and safety-minded. Must have Driver's license and clean driving record. Must be able to negotiate tight parking areas without hitting people or other vehicles.

Let's Play a Game....

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

It's called "Where is Greenapril Living Now?" This is an old game for those that have know me for more than a year, but I thought I would let some of my newer peeps try. (A discussion on whether I have any friends will follow the game.) The three hints are:

1.) I cannot receive mail
2.) My dog loves it here
3.) It's hella-cold
4.) If you read my blog you would know

Can't think? Have no clue? A campground. I'm living at Goose Meadows Campground. It is an adventure. Or at least that is what I'm telling my mother. I actually don't mind. I love being outside and this is excellent excuse not to take a shower for a few days.

Why am I living in a tent? Couple of reasons. One, SVA sucks. See "To Whom It May Concern" Two, I was living with my boyfriend (of three months) and quickly realized that is was a bad (BAD!) idea. Three, I don't really have a job and only a little bit of savings. A tent is cheaper than a hotel room and my relationship, so here I am.

My mom would flip.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Reason Why I Love the Internet #465

Saturday, September 03, 2005

I found this on http://www.nataliedee.com Check it out!!

To Whom It May Concern....

Dear Mr. President,
You are honestly the worst president we have ever had. I feel my IQ (along with my state and federal mandated test scores) drop when ever I hear you speak. Even when you bought your way (again) into office, we (The thinking citizen who didn't vote for you.) never thought you could fuck up this much. Get your shit together and be a decent human being for once. About what? Take your pick: Katrina, Iraq, Afghanistan, Gas Prices. Pick one. Make it better asshole, that's your job.

Dear Mr. Construction Worker,
You made my week. I will always prize watching you do the "Robot" while directing traffic on Brockway. You are awesome and deserve a raise. ROCK ON BROTHER!!!

Dear Tourists Sitting In Front of Me In Construction Traffic,
THE MAN IS DOING THE ROBOT!! CHILL OUT!!! YOU WILL GET YOU YOUR WINE TASTING PARTY ON BUFFY'S YACHT SOON ENOUGH!!! YOU HAVE BEEN TO HUNDREDS OF THOSE MIND NUMBING PARTIES TO BE IN A COMA!!! HE'S DOING THE ROBOT!! SOBER!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!!!

Dear SVA,
Thank you for not renewing my contract for the fall semester. You obviously have no loyalty to your employees and feel better fucking with someone else. I also appreciate you lying to my when I asked why you didn't renew my contract. It was wrong of my to think that the school would still exist if I let obnoxious and disruptive ADHD teenagers listen to music on their headphones during study hall to do (gasp) their homework!!! I hope you found some poor sucker to put up with your shit 30-40hrs a week (more like 50 to 60) for less money. Good luck with running a school like a McDonald's.

PS-Come to think of it I would rather work for you MD. You are at least organized and provide good benefits and care at least a little. Maybe a seedy hourly motel/casino would have been a better comparison.

PPS-I really like the headmaster's brand new $40,000 Volvo. It seems like yesterday when my director told me we had no money for toilet paper.

PPPS- Yes, I am still mad about all the times you made me move. I lived out of my car for a fucking week and I'm homeless again. I hope the karma bus drives over you and then backs up!!

All responses can be sent to:
Greenapril
c/o Alpine Valley Campground
Martis Creek Lake
Truckee, CA 96161

I "Heart" Horses

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I do. I loved them when I was five. I loved them when I was in high school. I love them now.

Most my days I spend with these beautiful amazing creatures I am cleaning up after them. However, this week, I had the oppounity to ride (YES!!). Twice (WHOOOOHOOOOO!!!!). I was in heaven. The first day, I spent four hours on Moon, it felt like twenty minutes. Not sore at all, I went back on Wednesday for a three hour trail ride.

The owner and I have plans to ride again next week after the holiday. I'm estatic. I'm in "heart".

The weeked of my evil twin

It didn't get any better. The crankiness. It arrived on Friday and like an unwanted house guest stayed way too long. It was my evil twin. I can't come up with a better explanation. Hormones: No. Stress: No. Boyfriend: No. I found myself saying and doing things that are very very unlike me. The overwhelming frustration fed more frustration, anger and general ulginess.

Every stressful situation has a breaking point. Mine was not pretty. Aidan decided to take his best friend and I mountain biking. I'll be nice and say his judgment was off. I am not an experienced rider (neither is his best friend) and for some reason he felt we could handle a 14 mile trek on the side of a mountain. Two miles to the end I wiped out. Big time.

The pain was incredible. Stabbing ice pick pain in my knees, Followed with a nice dose of salt. It felt like someone had actually skinned my right arm and my shoulder, nothing left but raw muscle and tendons. The non-technical term for it is "Road Rash" and it hurts like a mother%^$*&@!! My tattoo didn't even hurt this bad.

I'll probably be getting the "Oh my God, you poor thing, that is disgusting" look from my boyfriend for a couple more weeks, but today, I can actually walk without wincing and the evil twin is gone.

Warning: Bumpy Road Ahead

Friday, August 26, 2005

I am cranky. There is no question about it. I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Or couch as it was. I spent the last four days camping near the South Yuba river, sleeping in a tent. I have never slept so well in my life. On the ground. In a sleeping bag.

Last night. Back to civilization. Sleeping in a bed. Good right? No. It was bad very very bad. I felt so claustrophobic and stressed out. The walls were closing in on me. I escaped to the couch in the living room. And was welcomed by a lovely cat sleeping on my head. GARRRRRHHHHGGGHHH!!!!!!

If anyone can answer the question why I had a pusedo panic attack after four days of vacation. I would be happy to know, please.

So, armed with the intense pervasive crankiness that only comes with lack of sleep I start my day.

Goddess help us all.

Home, Home on the Range....

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Well, ladies and germs, I am back in Tahoe. My adventures have taken me far and wide. I have relaxed, de-stressed, slept, ate and drank to my little heart's desire. I plan to keep the vacation buzz going for as long as I can. Tequila sounds about right.

I will of course give the highlights. Michigan, Illinois and Misery...oops Missuori. More later.

Friday, August 12, 2005

You Belong in London A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

Find your City at: http://www.yournewromance.com/whatcitydoyoubelonginquiz/

Vacation is all I ever wanted...

I am about halfway through my extended (very much needed vacation). I spent a wonderful week in Michigan with Fishy, her husband and three cats. Thanks Fishy!! There be some tasteful photos of the debachery that was Dena's bachorlette party. William and Jermey we love you for taking care of our drunk asses!! Hehe. And, of course, of the beautiful wedding. I'm not Scottish, but kilts make a fine looking wedding party. Although, the "Alligator" (dance) was a more interesting part of the evening. I wish the happy couple the best life together!!

Currently, I am in Fox Lake, a suburb of Chicago at Camp Duncan. I worked here last fall. It was my usual attempt to excape from my henious life, but that time it worked. So, with fond memories, I have been painting lines (football field) for band camp, riding around in the golf cart and placating my hosts into a sugar coma with my chocolate pecan pie (It's almost as good as chocolate stuff, Fishy). Kevin and Cynthia are two of my favorite people. About a month and a half ago they got "hitched". Again truly happy for the both of them. Ahhhh...Love. Here's a picture of them on the happy day!!