Living Single

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I am offically single again. It's public. I broke up with the boyfriend.

I would like to give you the play by play, but the truth is break-ups suck and this one wasn't really any different.

Why? Honeslty, I outgrew the realationship or the realtionship wasn't growing as fast as I needed. "It's not you it's me" guised as another phrase.

I'm much sadder about the whole thing than I thought I would be. Eventhough, I was the breaker.

I'm not glad to break-up with someone, but the timing was right espically since rest of the week has been a blur.

The Mighty Escort died. Stranded on the side of the road. It wasn't worth fixing it. So, I found myself wearing the first time car buyer hat. I would like to flat out (Well, at least in cyber space) tell my father he was wrong, the car I got was a good deal and I even talked the dealer down from the asking price. I went with my intuition and feel good about my decision. Being informed is good, but there is a balance between the brain and the gut.

I am now the proud owner of a 2001 (new to me) Subaru Impreza Outback. I guess I'm in love again!! At least I know the break-up probably won't happen until after I pay it off (ouch).

PS-There needs to be a better phrase than break-up. It sounds like you had a realtionship with a china tea cup, not a person. Dissolved? Clean up? Downsized? Any suggestions?

One Love

Thursday, January 26, 2006

My parents are in town. That means a lot to the peeps out there who have acutally met my parents. Or better yet: Been yelled at by my father or stuffed full of cookies by my mother. The long and short of it.

A couple weeks ago I battled with a week long depression. My remission has been excellent lately, but the holidays brought on some blues. Honestly, I would take a shitty week over the mind numbing years that I've previously experienced.

Depression? Parents? Where is this all going? Today has scientifically proven that my parents make me depressed. I can't escape the bleakness. It's amazing that I've never made this connection before.

Synopsis:
Mom-- She was raised to be the perfect wife and mother. Doting and sacrificing everything for her husband and children. She has no identity. She can't decide what pants to wear.

Dad-- Recovering Acolholic. Starting over career. Template type A personality. Busy but only really distracted. Really, really, really, lucky that his children still talk to him.

Three minutes into the movie it you know nothing good is going to happen. (Thinking of Mystic River, Godfather, Monster?) I grew up in this plot. Sad, sad life where people are strong armed by expectations and obligations. Happiness is a luxury.

Harshly critical? Maybe. But I see it objectivly. It is what it is. I can only change and improve myself. I am truly sad that I see my mother and father as older people in my life, not my parents. Strange and true.

I'm just glad I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.

Sunday Bloody Sunday...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I am in pain. My back/hip area is fucked up. It's the kind of pain that makes you nausea. Looking forward to standing for eight hours straight at work tonight. In a bit of a funk also. Not sure why. It could be the ass numbing pain, but I feel like it's more. The word restless is coming to mind. Hmmm...

BORGASM

Thursday, December 01, 2005

It rained today. It is very exciting. Here rain will become snow and snow in Tahoe equals money. Everyone needs money. Whooohoo Rain!!!

It hasn't rained here in about 4 months. I live in the desert 6500 ft above sea level. Rain makes things green and grow. Everyone likes pretty green trees. Yay Rain!!!

My car broke down. Today. Why today? Because it is fucking raining and colder than Billy Graham at a GLBT mixer. Everyone hates car trouble.

There are certian words that you do NOT want to hear when you are having car trouble. Words like: Brakes, wiper fluid, air pressure, trunk are neutral and register minimal dollar signs in your brain. However words like: transmission, heater coil, radiator and alternator are not good.

I got the "a" word. Yep, my alternator is fucked.

The most ironic part is that this part new plus labor is about as much as I paid for my POS 1988 (and a half) Ford Escort hatchback.

Currently, I am stranded at work with my boyfriend. I'm barely hanging on to my sanity waiting for the inevatable Borgasm.

We Intterupt Your Daily Blog

Friday, November 04, 2005

I am not dead, I have not fallen off the earth. I didn't run away to Bali, Greece, of India. I am alive and mostly well. I promise.

My fater called me this morning. He's called me twice in the past week. I realized that this was bad. He never calls. Ever. I'm glad he's concernced.

Fishy and Gina's phone message have gone from "Hey, what's up..?" to "Where are you... and then something about a police report"

My ex (twice), brother (twice), roomate from college (four times). The list is distressing.

Thank you so much for the love. I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk. Bad cell phone reception, evening work schedule and a resurgance of my depression have contributed to a "Don't want to do anything" mind set.

I'll hopefully be getting a computer in a week or so. And I now have a desk to put it on. I guess I've gotten used to moving that a I'm at a lost in my new (improved) stationary life.

Reclaiming My Childhood

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Lately, I have been doing some serious work. Emotional work that is. I have found myself dealing with issues that I shoved away so long ago I actually neverthought I would see them again. Haha. I can't candy coat it. The places I've gone to are not pretty and I'll spare you the details. I know every semi-functional human being goes through this and I know that I will come out stronger. Welcome to Sucksville, USA. Where my traumatic childhood lives.

On a better note. I have found some enjoyment in trying to be a kid again. I bought a piano and have played it more this week than I ever did taking lessons. And my wonderful boyfriend sent me a link to Lite Brite
I was denied my creative possibilites by my mother who did not want to pick up all the little pieces of the Lite Brite. I'd like to add I never got my pony/horse either.

So FH....

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Thought a little eye candy would be nice for Hump Day. Mmmmm....

Ladies click here

And here's something for everybody....

Lazy Day...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Greenapril, your breed of dog at work is a Border Collie

You don't give up and that's your key to success. Though people might not always expect it from you since you're so sociable in the office, you've got success on the brain and won't stop short 'til you get there.

Bored? Try http://www.tickle.com A quiz for everyone and every mood.

Here what I'm wondering: If I'm a Border Collie at work, why can I not keep a job?

Snow

Thursday, September 08, 2005

My boyfriend bought me this incredible gift. It's a ball that you make ice cream in. One end you put the ice and salt. The other end you put the will be ice cream goodness. You throw it around for about 20 minutes and 'viola' you have ice cream. Fun and Yummy!!

Last week we were making ice cream and I metioned that, as a child, we had an electric ice cream maker. We would make ice cream during the winter because the snow was free. Aidan replies: 'In college, I used to put snow in my bong.'

Not much you can say to that can you? So, there you have it ladies an gentlemen, The Snow Bong.

Keeping Trac

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Looking for a job (again) and scanning the local ski resort emploment listings. Came across one that is so entertaining that I might just apply. Enjoy!!

TRACTOR DRIVER (part time)
Drives funky old International Farmall Tractors with attached passenger trailers in the parking lot, picking up customers and safely transporting them to the Main Lodge or their vehicle.

Must be friendly, courteous and safety-minded. Must have Driver's license and clean driving record. Must be able to negotiate tight parking areas without hitting people or other vehicles.

Let's Play a Game....

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

It's called "Where is Greenapril Living Now?" This is an old game for those that have know me for more than a year, but I thought I would let some of my newer peeps try. (A discussion on whether I have any friends will follow the game.) The three hints are:

1.) I cannot receive mail
2.) My dog loves it here
3.) It's hella-cold
4.) If you read my blog you would know

Can't think? Have no clue? A campground. I'm living at Goose Meadows Campground. It is an adventure. Or at least that is what I'm telling my mother. I actually don't mind. I love being outside and this is excellent excuse not to take a shower for a few days.

Why am I living in a tent? Couple of reasons. One, SVA sucks. See "To Whom It May Concern" Two, I was living with my boyfriend (of three months) and quickly realized that is was a bad (BAD!) idea. Three, I don't really have a job and only a little bit of savings. A tent is cheaper than a hotel room and my relationship, so here I am.

My mom would flip.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Reason Why I Love the Internet #465

Saturday, September 03, 2005

I found this on http://www.nataliedee.com Check it out!!

To Whom It May Concern....

Dear Mr. President,
You are honestly the worst president we have ever had. I feel my IQ (along with my state and federal mandated test scores) drop when ever I hear you speak. Even when you bought your way (again) into office, we (The thinking citizen who didn't vote for you.) never thought you could fuck up this much. Get your shit together and be a decent human being for once. About what? Take your pick: Katrina, Iraq, Afghanistan, Gas Prices. Pick one. Make it better asshole, that's your job.

Dear Mr. Construction Worker,
You made my week. I will always prize watching you do the "Robot" while directing traffic on Brockway. You are awesome and deserve a raise. ROCK ON BROTHER!!!

Dear Tourists Sitting In Front of Me In Construction Traffic,
THE MAN IS DOING THE ROBOT!! CHILL OUT!!! YOU WILL GET YOU YOUR WINE TASTING PARTY ON BUFFY'S YACHT SOON ENOUGH!!! YOU HAVE BEEN TO HUNDREDS OF THOSE MIND NUMBING PARTIES TO BE IN A COMA!!! HE'S DOING THE ROBOT!! SOBER!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!!!

Dear SVA,
Thank you for not renewing my contract for the fall semester. You obviously have no loyalty to your employees and feel better fucking with someone else. I also appreciate you lying to my when I asked why you didn't renew my contract. It was wrong of my to think that the school would still exist if I let obnoxious and disruptive ADHD teenagers listen to music on their headphones during study hall to do (gasp) their homework!!! I hope you found some poor sucker to put up with your shit 30-40hrs a week (more like 50 to 60) for less money. Good luck with running a school like a McDonald's.

PS-Come to think of it I would rather work for you MD. You are at least organized and provide good benefits and care at least a little. Maybe a seedy hourly motel/casino would have been a better comparison.

PPS-I really like the headmaster's brand new $40,000 Volvo. It seems like yesterday when my director told me we had no money for toilet paper.

PPPS- Yes, I am still mad about all the times you made me move. I lived out of my car for a fucking week and I'm homeless again. I hope the karma bus drives over you and then backs up!!

All responses can be sent to:
Greenapril
c/o Alpine Valley Campground
Martis Creek Lake
Truckee, CA 96161

I "Heart" Horses

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I do. I loved them when I was five. I loved them when I was in high school. I love them now.

Most my days I spend with these beautiful amazing creatures I am cleaning up after them. However, this week, I had the oppounity to ride (YES!!). Twice (WHOOOOHOOOOO!!!!). I was in heaven. The first day, I spent four hours on Moon, it felt like twenty minutes. Not sore at all, I went back on Wednesday for a three hour trail ride.

The owner and I have plans to ride again next week after the holiday. I'm estatic. I'm in "heart".

The weeked of my evil twin

It didn't get any better. The crankiness. It arrived on Friday and like an unwanted house guest stayed way too long. It was my evil twin. I can't come up with a better explanation. Hormones: No. Stress: No. Boyfriend: No. I found myself saying and doing things that are very very unlike me. The overwhelming frustration fed more frustration, anger and general ulginess.

Every stressful situation has a breaking point. Mine was not pretty. Aidan decided to take his best friend and I mountain biking. I'll be nice and say his judgment was off. I am not an experienced rider (neither is his best friend) and for some reason he felt we could handle a 14 mile trek on the side of a mountain. Two miles to the end I wiped out. Big time.

The pain was incredible. Stabbing ice pick pain in my knees, Followed with a nice dose of salt. It felt like someone had actually skinned my right arm and my shoulder, nothing left but raw muscle and tendons. The non-technical term for it is "Road Rash" and it hurts like a mother%^$*&@!! My tattoo didn't even hurt this bad.

I'll probably be getting the "Oh my God, you poor thing, that is disgusting" look from my boyfriend for a couple more weeks, but today, I can actually walk without wincing and the evil twin is gone.

Warning: Bumpy Road Ahead

Friday, August 26, 2005

I am cranky. There is no question about it. I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Or couch as it was. I spent the last four days camping near the South Yuba river, sleeping in a tent. I have never slept so well in my life. On the ground. In a sleeping bag.

Last night. Back to civilization. Sleeping in a bed. Good right? No. It was bad very very bad. I felt so claustrophobic and stressed out. The walls were closing in on me. I escaped to the couch in the living room. And was welcomed by a lovely cat sleeping on my head. GARRRRRHHHHGGGHHH!!!!!!

If anyone can answer the question why I had a pusedo panic attack after four days of vacation. I would be happy to know, please.

So, armed with the intense pervasive crankiness that only comes with lack of sleep I start my day.

Goddess help us all.

Home, Home on the Range....

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Well, ladies and germs, I am back in Tahoe. My adventures have taken me far and wide. I have relaxed, de-stressed, slept, ate and drank to my little heart's desire. I plan to keep the vacation buzz going for as long as I can. Tequila sounds about right.

I will of course give the highlights. Michigan, Illinois and Misery...oops Missuori. More later.

Friday, August 12, 2005

You Belong in London A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

Find your City at: http://www.yournewromance.com/whatcitydoyoubelonginquiz/

Vacation is all I ever wanted...

I am about halfway through my extended (very much needed vacation). I spent a wonderful week in Michigan with Fishy, her husband and three cats. Thanks Fishy!! There be some tasteful photos of the debachery that was Dena's bachorlette party. William and Jermey we love you for taking care of our drunk asses!! Hehe. And, of course, of the beautiful wedding. I'm not Scottish, but kilts make a fine looking wedding party. Although, the "Alligator" (dance) was a more interesting part of the evening. I wish the happy couple the best life together!!

Currently, I am in Fox Lake, a suburb of Chicago at Camp Duncan. I worked here last fall. It was my usual attempt to excape from my henious life, but that time it worked. So, with fond memories, I have been painting lines (football field) for band camp, riding around in the golf cart and placating my hosts into a sugar coma with my chocolate pecan pie (It's almost as good as chocolate stuff, Fishy). Kevin and Cynthia are two of my favorite people. About a month and a half ago they got "hitched". Again truly happy for the both of them. Ahhhh...Love. Here's a picture of them on the happy day!!